Caroline Blake / Digital Marketing / February 12th, 2008

Don't notify me my Blackberry is broken via email on said broken Blackberry!

Yeah, you heard me. I have a problem with your crack, Blackberry. RIM, you f’d up. That’s right, my normally dainty mouth can’t quite wrap itself around the full expletive, and yet, you – oh enabler of my electronic OCD — deserve much more than an “oops golly gee you had a hiccup, teehee!”

That’s because you let me down yesterday. You left me and millions of others with vague euphoria for a few moments as we naively thought that we’d lucked into a few moments free of email harassment. Then the sneaking suspiscion began to grow… no, it couldn’t be, could it? Twenty minutes without an email. Odd, but theoretically possible. An hour? Oh no, something must be wrong! Two hours? AHHHHHHHHH CRACK WITHDRAWL THE SKY IS FALLING THERE WILL BE SO MANY EMAILS TO ANSWER WHEN EMAIL IS AVALABLE WHATWILLIEVERDOFREAKOUTFREAKOUTFREAKOUUUUUUUUT!!!

Ahem. But I digress. RIM, purveyor of Crackberry delight, you failed us. Not only did you let us down by refusing to serve up email-y goodness, you also decided to notify us of this via email. That’s right, email. You know, the thing that wasn’t working on our handhelds? Right, good job there guys.

Why would you not trigger a blatantly obvious error message in the handheld, instead of hiding behind an email notification? Why must you tease me with glee at thinking I had an empty inbox, only to dash those hopes and dreams against the rocks of your broken infrastructure? It was a slap in the face, really.

Don’t let me down again, crack dealer. If you do, I might be forced to rely on one of your competitors. I’ll feel like I’m cheating, but I’ll do it if I have to. Don’t make me do it. All I ask for is honesty. Be honest if your service goes down. Tell me. Be clear with me. Don’t assume that if I don’t see you bring me flowers I’ll know that you’re hiding something. We can go to counselling if we have to. But I just want to know. I just can’t deal with not knowing the status of my crack.

Jerks.